Just Keep Driving

When I was younger, I didn’t think too much about driving. I always lounged in the passenger seat, gazing out the window as the world passed by. However, my perspective drastically changed once I took the driver's seat and learned how to drive. Driving, it turned out, was about more than just controlling a vehicle.

Prior to my journey of learning how to drive, I had never expected that this would lead to personal growth and a deeper understanding of life. From learning the concept of freedom and control, getting back up from failure and listening to my heart, my journey of driving a manual car, oddly enough, shaped the person that I am today.

My first 17 years saw no interest whatsoever in learning how to drive. That all changed one day when my friend surprised me by showcasing his newfound driving skills. I remember riding in his passenger seat for the first time. It made me so jealous, and at the same time, it piqued my interest in finally learning how to drive.

After numerous attempts to convince my parents, I finally got enrolled in a driving school. This marked the beginning of my journey, when I learned everything I knew about driving a manual. With my dad in the passenger seat and my mom in the back seat, I drove in our family car for the first time after finishing the 8-hour course. I was so confident in showing them my newly acquired skills. However, this confidence turned into embarrassment shortly after I stalled the car in the middle of the road. This happened neither once nor twice, but more than one hand could count. Despite the rough start, I persevered; over time, I got better at driving, stalled a lot less, and even got better at parking. I finally gained my parents’ trust and was permitted to drive all alone without supervision.

Now you may be wondering, what’s the big deal about driving a manual car? Don’t most people know how to drive? Where did my growth and realizations about life come from?

Up to this point in my life, I’ve lived in my older brother’s shadow, following in his footsteps. At some point, I thought that I was deciding for myself, but in reality, I was only mimicking what he did. I went to the same school, chased after his achievements, applied to the same universities, and shared his clothes, hobbies, idols, and interests. So, when I finally got to drive alone, I felt free and in control—something that I wished for for who knows how long. It felt as if I were the main character of a coming-of-age movie; I was the one deciding where to go and how fast I wanted to get there. I felt at ease and happy seeing the world with my own eyes, with such freedom. That is until I got struck with the bitter reality of making my own decisions.

My naïve perspective changed when I realized that freedom and control don’t exist only for the fun moments. It was my freedom and control that would dictate how my life would play out. The time came for me to drive alone, and eventually, the time will come when I have to decide for myself—not my brother nor my parents, but me. Naturally, I got scared; I am on my own now. What if I fail? What if I make a mistake?

As I grappled with these thoughts, I couldn't help but reflect on how my parents had trusted me. Yes, I have stalled the car multiple times. Yet, I showed my parents that no matter how many times I stalled, I knew that the only way to get moving and reach our destination was to turn the car back on and try once more. Through my efforts, I showed them that I was capable enough on my own. Each restart of the engine was a metaphor for my resilience and determination—that no matter how many times I failed, I could stand back up and push myself forward stronger than before, knowing how to never succumb to the same mistake.

My experience also taught me the fine line between pushing ourselves to our potential and pushing ourselves blindly towards failure. Each of us has a different pace. Just as shifting gears too early will make it difficult for our engine and risk stalling, moving to the next step while unprepared will make us struggle and be prone to failure. So, like hearing the car’s engine when shifting gears, we must also learn to hear what our hearts are telling us. Are they ready, or are they still struggling? Whenever we face hardships and adversities, it is okay to take a step back, prepare ourselves, and wait until we are ready, like shifting gears only when the engine is. Whether deciding to move forward or wait, we need to trust ourselves; deep within our hearts, we will find the answers.

Despite all the challenges, I learned that resilience leads to improvement. I am confident in myself that eventually I will get the hang of this thing we call life. As I approach a new chapter, I fully accept the freedom and control I have over my future and face whatever comes my way. To doubt myself would also mean doubting my parents, who have raised me since I was a child and have held my hand ever since my first steps. Their love and dedication towards me are a testament to the person that I am today and will be my motivation for the person that I will become tomorrow.

Soon, I will be leaving behind the familiar hands I used to hold on to my entire life. I will transition from driving on the familiar roads of high school and adolescence to driving on the unfamiliar, rocky, and difficult roads of college and adulthood. With my newfound passion, I will step forward into the unknown, ready for whatever tide life throws in.

Commencing my journey, I will open the door to the car I am taking throughout this adventure. I will sit down in the driver’s seat and insert the key into the ignition, clutch in, foot on the break, and then start the engine. As I touch the rosary hanging from the rear-view mirror, I'll say a quick prayer. Take a deep breath, then listen to my heart. “I’m ready,” it whispers. Releasing the handbrake, putting the car in first gear, and slowly raising the clutch, I will start driving.

I will always remember to keep getting back up no matter how many times I fall, listen to my heart, and trust myself with the freedom and control I have over my life. With a brave heart amidst the uncertainties of life, I will hold on to these sentiments, keep growing and progressing, and as one of my favorite artists, Harry Styles, said, “We should just keep driving."